A Mother's Love

Many times through my parenting, I questioned this large title of "Mom".  Whoever should wear this name has to be perfect!!  I mean how could they not be....they are raising our future.  Whoever has this name must be fully knowledgeable of all things.  How can a person expect to hold this name....wear this cape....carry that shield of protection without having earned every degree in martial arts, read every book by the historical psychologists, practiced every language (infant, tween and
teen), studied every magic trick and was still able to leap a tall building in a single bound.  ((snickering)) But come on....who would volunteer for this???  And then to add the word "Step" to that already large name!!!  Geeze Loise...the "Super Step" would have to be EVEN more well read, well versed and even MORE dynamic than the name actually meant.

I have seen and heard many horror stories on blended and large families.  How you don't notice the dysfunction until your ready to scream and run for the hills!  I've seen on many talk shows about how blended families struggle but then to add BLENDED and LARGE???  Who ever chose those two descriptions in that GREAT BIG BOOK OF LIFE must need their heads examined.  But I have also witnessed many successful co-parenting situations that allowed me to see the strength in love and forgiveness.

I am often introduced as "this is Angel.  And do you know she has eleven kids?!?!" as if that was the name listed on my birth certificate. Can you imagine how large my Id would have to be... "Angel Did-You-Know-She-Has Eleven-Kids Jackson"  Really!???!?!  I guess that is what I should write on the name tags I get when meeting new people.


When I had my first set of children, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what I was doing.  And the idea of being perfect....went flying out the door the day I brought my nine pound screaming child home.  But they lived, they grew up, hug me and say I love you pass the moon, stars and other galaxies.

That title "mom" was etched in stone from the moment I was given the blood test to confirm my pregnancy.  However, the name "mom" still did not sit well with me when my oldest was the only child.  I guess that is why I decided....he should have someone to tell his secrets to, and for that person to recognize and laugh at the irony of it all.

But "mom" was a mighty word.  How could I live up to be that kind of super-shero?  Who has time to read all those books that were in the parenting section of every library/bookstore/coffee house?  Who
said that I would be able to wear that title and pronounce it with all the strength my ancestors gave me?  Who knew how connected all things "child" would be in the actual pronunciation of the name "Mom"?

I mean....I know many women who were excited about being a mom and others who were thrilled of the thought of additional children they did not have to labor.  ((that actually is rather ingenious now that I think about it...no stretch mark, labor pains or any other thing people connect negatively to pregnancy))  To take on the responsibility of loving, guiding, caring, nurturing another's child(ren) as if they were your own.....now that is a whole new kind of smart, yet crazy, that I fully dived into without knowing how to swim until I realized I was drowning.

Being a mom meant many sleepless nights, many trips to the doctors, back and forth to the market (UGH.....how my grocery bill soared!!)  and the occasional trip to the mall for shoes. It also meant that I was taking the charge to raise my children to be the best version of me!  As if that is EVEN possible, I continued leading the way with my four little people in tow.  They learned with me, disciplined me, chastised me, and gave me all the time outs I could imagine.  But when I met my husband.  And then his children...I knew!  I was stuck on stupid and a GLUTTON for punishment!  Who did I think I was?  Blending a family of children who were almost the same age and choosing to not only stick around but to love them as if they were my own.

God gives us many challenges in life.  Some I think, He sits back and elbows the other saints that are with him like...."humph...watch this.  She has no clue why her parents named her Angel."  I think he find humor in my acts of "super-shero-isms".  (and yes that is a word....I made it up but it's still a word)  Being a mom and step-mom to a large group of children has taught me many things:

There will be many sleepless nights....BECAUSE THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO HAVE A GREAT SLEEPOVER IF YOU FALL ASLEEP!  and that's ok.
There will be many trips to the doctor....BECAUSE LIFE HAPPENS and that's ok.
There will be ENDLESS amounts of trips to the grocery store...BECAUSE EVEN SOUS CHEFS BURN WATER and that's ok.
There will be a relentless amount of shoe shopping.....HOW ELSE CAN YOU ESCAPE YOUR MEAN STINKY BROTHERS IF YOU DON'T LEARN HOW TO SHOP and that's ok.

Listen....there are many fears I have encountered when I took that cape and upgraded it from Mom to StepMom.  But there are so many joys that outweigh the fears!  How else could you explain the craziness, the loud talking, the "we eat together always", the "we share the same blood",  the "we shed the same tears", the "we laugh at the same body winds" (as my granny says...lol) or how we love on one another constantly!

A mother's love is large, evolving, scary, strong, IMPORTANT, necessary, heroic, tiresome, and most of all...a mother's love JUST IS!