You ever have a day that even the wind blowing irritated you? Well, today was that day for me. The minis had a day that they all wanted my attention and because I work from home, they don't understand why I cannot stop to talk about the new Jurassic Park trailer or how unfair their sibling was acting with a toy or how they did not want to eat what was cooked for dinner!
Today was that kind of day that we, as parents, have come to understand is a part of parenting. The type of day that turns you into your parents! At one point, I heard myself tell my mini diva "If you are not broken, bleeding or dead, you will be ok" Now don't judge me but they need to figure stuff out on their own sometimes.
We, parents, have enabled our minis to depend on us too much sometimes and we fail to equip them with the correct thought process or action steps to figure out the little things. They become so dependant on us that they need us to figure out how to become independent. How many times has this scenario played out with you and your mini...."Mommy, I am bored." "Well..(insert child's name) why don't you....." and we begin to offer and make suggestions on how they can play independently?
When raising a handful of children, independence looks different than raising an only child. What I noticed, after having our second male mini is how they become additionally dependant on each other. Our oldest son would take the lead on responses to questions posed to him by my husband, or even teachers. This is the same male child, who would venture out on his own to play and meet new friends. However, his younger siblings would stand on the side and wait for others to reach out to them. And I know what some of you may say, "that child is just shy or an introvert". Maybe, but follow me as we see how they different they show their independence.
The irony of how parents of only one child explain what independence looks for them and what I saw with my oldest became very similar. It is an ever-evolving story and it depends a lot on the parent. If the parent is independent and non-clingy, they teach the same traits in their minis. However, if a parent is clingy or shows lack of confidence their child shows up the same way. This is a taught/learned behavior. Our children watch us in our everyday interactions with each other as a baseline to how they should behave.
Now I am not a child psychologist but I am an observer. Our children don't have a reason to fear other people, places or things unless they see, feel or hear something that makes them feel unsafe. I recognize my children would rather be in the house playing within their own tribe then go outside to include others. This makes me feel sad that our children no longer find it safe to be children with other children!! What have we done to our tribes? What lessons are they learning that we may not realize we are teaching?
So today, I challenged my minis to go outside to make one friend. It could be with the dog next door but they will have to tell me one thing about their new friend that I would not know by looking at them. I have also begun challenging them to perform one kind act for a stranger. Independence for my minis looks, feels and sounds completely different than what I am used to but it is a start. How are you teaching independence? How were you taught independence?
Today was that kind of day that we, as parents, have come to understand is a part of parenting. The type of day that turns you into your parents! At one point, I heard myself tell my mini diva "If you are not broken, bleeding or dead, you will be ok" Now don't judge me but they need to figure stuff out on their own sometimes.
We, parents, have enabled our minis to depend on us too much sometimes and we fail to equip them with the correct thought process or action steps to figure out the little things. They become so dependant on us that they need us to figure out how to become independent. How many times has this scenario played out with you and your mini...."Mommy, I am bored." "Well..(insert child's name) why don't you....." and we begin to offer and make suggestions on how they can play independently?
When raising a handful of children, independence looks different than raising an only child. What I noticed, after having our second male mini is how they become additionally dependant on each other. Our oldest son would take the lead on responses to questions posed to him by my husband, or even teachers. This is the same male child, who would venture out on his own to play and meet new friends. However, his younger siblings would stand on the side and wait for others to reach out to them. And I know what some of you may say, "that child is just shy or an introvert". Maybe, but follow me as we see how they different they show their independence.
The irony of how parents of only one child explain what independence looks for them and what I saw with my oldest became very similar. It is an ever-evolving story and it depends a lot on the parent. If the parent is independent and non-clingy, they teach the same traits in their minis. However, if a parent is clingy or shows lack of confidence their child shows up the same way. This is a taught/learned behavior. Our children watch us in our everyday interactions with each other as a baseline to how they should behave.
Now I am not a child psychologist but I am an observer. Our children don't have a reason to fear other people, places or things unless they see, feel or hear something that makes them feel unsafe. I recognize my children would rather be in the house playing within their own tribe then go outside to include others. This makes me feel sad that our children no longer find it safe to be children with other children!! What have we done to our tribes? What lessons are they learning that we may not realize we are teaching?
So today, I challenged my minis to go outside to make one friend. It could be with the dog next door but they will have to tell me one thing about their new friend that I would not know by looking at them. I have also begun challenging them to perform one kind act for a stranger. Independence for my minis looks, feels and sounds completely different than what I am used to but it is a start. How are you teaching independence? How were you taught independence?
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