Who's turn is it....??

Who's turn is it to clean the kitchen? The bathroom? The family room? Who's turn is it to do the laundry?  UGH!!!!!  It seems like it is always my turn until I realized and have to keep reminding myself, that it's ok to give chores to our minis.  I do not have to be the only person responsible for keeping and maintaining our tidy home.  You would think this would be a no brainer but it isn't.  My focus for them consists of being great humans, understanding the importance of education and knowledge beyond school and including outdoor adventures.  There are many times that I turn off the WiFi to have time for everyone to have a day of uninterrupted reading.  And even when they have access to their computers, they are perfectly fine with picking a name, from our stories of our ancestors, to research their significance and investigate how they may have influenced the world. They can recognize Billie Holiday and Nina Simone but struggle to understand the knobs on the washing machine.  They can recite speeches from great heros of Africa and other foreign continents, but to ask them to fill the dish washer was completely a new uncharted territory.

I was so busy managing the house and their education that I became overwhelmed with the household chores that seemed to be pilling up quickly with no end in sight. My husband helps when he can but he is on the road a bunch for work so most of the daily day-to-day cleaning is left to me.  How can I flip my Superhero cape if it needs to be washed in the next load of laundry?

I began to think about what age did I to begin to wash my own clothes, make my bed, or assisting/being assigned chores? And even reached out to my tribe of women to ask what age did they start implementing the same self-sustaining responsibilities to their minis?  I didn't want my children to feel like they are buried under all the chores, homework and just stuff, that they don't get to be children.

However, they have to be taught responsibilities to become productive, effective, compassionate individuals.

So....me being me....I created a chore list.  (Don't knock it until you truly have tried it.)  Every Saturday morning they each get to pick a popsicle stick, with a chore on it, out of a jar.  It could be as simple as "make your bed" or as detailed as "clean the refrigerator".  The funny thing is, they actually look forward to picking their activity.  I don't know if it's for bragging rights of doing something they actually enjoyed or if its to tease the other siblings that picked a chore that was gross (cleaning the trash cans) but hey, I'll take it either way.

I realize that my super hero powers maybe considered controlling by some but to me its about doing what I need to do with minimum errors.  Yeah...yeah...yeah...I know...I have to let go of somethings to help my minis be great men and women. 

Now, my children will not only be well-read and highly productive individuals but they will also learn that even the wind has a responsibility to be productive in the world.  And I will be a less stressed working mom, with a clean cape, that has time to connect with each child daily.  

The Great Getaway

My husband's birthday was quickly approaching and I was beyond stressed out with work and health concerns. My health was impacting my work, my work was impacting my mental health and all of this was impacting my home.  I reached a point where I was visiting my doctor every 15-30 days for bloodwork, pressure checks, and rediagnosis.  My anxiety had reached an all-time high that caused me to have many sleepless nights, frightful panic attacks and the worse migraines I could imagine.

My work felt numbing because I couldn't perform at my best and I was letting my team down.  But every day, I struggled more and more to get out of bed to face what faced me.  My family needed me.  My children needed me.  My husband needed me.  But most importantly....I needed me.

My doctor told me I needed a break from it all.  Several times she told me if I didn't get a break...I would break.  My husband told me I needed to find a way to get away for at least a day or two.  But who could break from it all when I had a freshman in college that needed me to help her manage her time, work pressures that were bubbling over and sports seasons that had just begun.

How was I supposed to just take a break from it all and unplug??

Oh yeah....did I tell you that my husband birthday was quickly approaching and I needed to figure out how to make this work, too.  I needed to find a way to get away and without the minis, because this is the last weekend before their basketball games started.  It is November and it's cold but I needed the beach and the water to recharge. I always make plans in my head but don't "pull the trigger"  This time was different.  I knew that if I didn't get away now, I would never take the opportunity.

VIRGINIA BEACH WATERFRONT HERE WE COME!!!

Due to the time of year that we were facing, beach vacation-offseason, the hotel rates were remarkably low and with the Marriott points I earned, through work travel, I was able to find a hotel room with an ocean front view.  I only had to come out of pocket $56 deposit to hold our room until we checked out.  And because we are vegans, we always carry our food with us. 

We packed a bag, a few groceries, kissed the kids and hit the road.  We planned for this drive to be about four and a half hours but what we didn't count on was the downpour of rain that felt like it followed us from Maryland.  But instead of blowing off this getaway and getting distracted by the weather, we kept our promise to each other to let it go.  I chose to drive down while my husband navigated our way.  We turned off the radio and made a rule to have a "no work/kids/bills" conversation.  This may sound hard but I can tell you, this was the best conversation we had in years.  Our road trip went from four and a half hours to six hours (due to the rain and traffic) but it went by in what felt like seconds.  These moments reminded me of when we first met and would stay up all night just talking.  These moments were moments I desperately needed. 

When we arrived at the hotel, our front desk attendees explained that we had full access to the pool and many other amenities that were not being used.  I must say waking up to the sound of the ocean was surreal and relaxing.  But spending the time with my husband made this time away feel like a dream. 

Morning view from our hotel balcony

They were beginning to put Santa and his sleigh on the pier

I felt like that sailboat in the middle of nowhere
 but I felt like this is where I belonged.

Many times we stop or hesitate from unplugging because we think we can't.  We have to give ourselves the opportunity to let go and relax from the daily pressures that we place upon ourselves.  We put deadlines and speak obstacles into our path as we live and breathe.  Take some time to unplug and reconnect to where you find comfort.  You won't regret it and who knows...you may find that old happy spirit that was living far inside. 

Independent - Dependent minis

You ever have a day that even the wind blowing irritated you?  Well, today was that day for me.  The minis had a day that they all wanted my attention and because I work from home, they don't understand why I cannot stop to talk about the new Jurassic Park trailer or how unfair their sibling was acting with a toy or how they did not want to eat what was cooked for dinner!

Today was that kind of day that we, as parents, have come to understand is a part of parenting.  The type of day that turns you into your parents!  At one point, I heard myself tell my mini diva "If you are not broken, bleeding or dead, you will be ok"  Now don't judge me but they need to figure stuff out on their own sometimes.

We, parents, have enabled our minis to depend on us too much sometimes and we fail to equip them with the correct thought process or action steps to figure out the little things.  They become so dependant on us that they need us to figure out how to become independent.  How many times has this scenario played out with you and your mini...."Mommy, I am bored." "Well..(insert child's name) why don't you....." and we begin to offer and make suggestions on how they can play independently?

When raising a handful of children, independence looks different than raising an only child.  What I noticed, after having our second male mini is how they become additionally dependant on each other.  Our oldest son would take the lead on responses to questions posed to him by my husband, or even teachers.  This is the same male child, who would venture out on his own to play and meet new friends.  However, his younger siblings would stand on the side and wait for others to reach out to them.  And I know what some of you may say, "that child is just shy or an introvert".  Maybe, but follow me as we see how they different they show their independence.

The irony of how parents of only one child explain what independence looks for them and what I saw with my oldest became very similar. It is an ever-evolving story and it depends a lot on the parent.  If the parent is independent and non-clingy, they teach the same traits in their minis.  However, if a parent is clingy or shows lack of confidence their child shows up the same way.  This is a taught/learned behavior.  Our children watch us in our everyday interactions with each other as a baseline to how they should behave.

Now I am not a child psychologist but I am an observer.  Our children don't have a reason to fear other people, places or things unless they see, feel or hear something that makes them feel unsafe.  I recognize my children would rather be in the house playing within their own tribe then go outside to include others.  This makes me feel sad that our children no longer find it safe to be children with other children!!  What have we done to our tribes?  What lessons are they learning that we may not realize we are teaching?

So today, I challenged my minis to go outside to make one friend.  It could be with the dog next door but they will have to tell me one thing about their new friend that I would not know by looking at them.  I have also begun challenging them to perform one kind act for a stranger. Independence for my minis looks, feels and sounds completely different than what I am used to but it is a start.  How are you teaching independence?  How were you taught independence?

Don't break the bank

Finding ways to feed our growing children has been very interesting, challenging and full of prayers.  And even though we are not rich or even well off, we somehow find a way to make it work.  Today, I want to share with you some tips I have learned to make our picky eaters happy and save my small pockets.

My son is a picky vegetarian/vegan so finding fresh items, in bulk, does not work for him. I had to find local farmers, vendors that not only grow their own food but allowed us to visit often.  Then finding a farm that is less than several hours away was another challenge. The other children, while not as picky as the vegetarian, also have their required dietary needs.  I have a son that was born with brittle bones disease, so finding any way to bring in extra calcium in his diet is a must. Then there is my asthmatic child whose allergies seem to trigger her wheezing.  So finding the gluten-free items....ugh.

Do you understand how difficult marketing became when I had no clue what gluten-free, vegetarian kid-friendly food would be?  How much the cost would increase or decrease by using all organic products?

The first thing everyone says, when recognizing our large family, is that we should shop in bulk stores like Sam's club, Costco, BJ's, etc. Well, that is true but how we shop in those locations is what matters.  We use those warehouse type of stores to purchase items we go through in masses like toilet paper, trash bags, paper towels and laundry detergent.  I promise you with as many bottoms as we have, this is well worth the once a month trip.  We also use these type of stores for shelf safe items like pancake mix, flour, granola bars, rice, etc.




We started shopping at the local Aldi's and farmer's markets.  And boy did we find amazing deals!  The only thing I had to do is let go of the familiar name brand items.  The big brands are not sold here and for a while, that bothered me.  But after trying some items, and returning others, I realized the only differences were the name of the product and the price point.  This tip has saved me 25-45% on my grocery bill.


After many trials, I have this portion down to a well-planned event.  The thing is not to limit our shopping to one market and go early (8am) to beat the rush and get the freshest fruits/vegetables.

So, it began. Creating the list of items that would last for approximately 28 days. I begin making a list of all of the staple objects in the house that we need. Then, I need to pull all the market circulars in my area.  Thankfully, I have a lot of grocery stores connected via apps on my phone.  I add the online coupons to the member cards to minimize the number of items I need to carry.  (whoever invented these apps...I LOVE YOU!)

I came across another bit of heaven when I found out some of the grocery stores will pull your items and deliver to your front door!!  Amazon, Instacart, Wholefoods, Harris Teeter and FreshDirectare a few of the online grocery stores that will pick, pull and some even deliver (some have a small delivery fee but its so worth it)  Wait...do you understand what that means for busy moms!!  We will no longer have to make the "mom speech"? OH, HAPPY DAY!! The "don't ask for anything while we are here because we are sticking to the list" speech.  There will no longer be an isle with kids falling on the floor crying because mom said no.  Asking someone to watch the minis while I go to the store.... is no longer a cuss word! 

I realized making a budget and shopping list can be uneventful and stress-free if you stick to a couple major points:

1. Shop for what you need once a month-make the bulk purchases count
2. Make the pricey items low on the priority list when a budget is tight - instead of a t-bone, find a less pricer cut of beef
3. Keep pantry items stocked-rice, flour, sugar, oils, seasonings
4. Create a budget/grocery list and stick to it
5. If you have to go to the grocery store, in person, get to know your produce person and cashier.  They can let you know about the delivery dates for fresh produce and keep you posted on new sale items.
6. Never...EVER....go to the store on an empty stomach!  lol....my grandmother used to say this to me and I never understood why until I did and came home with so many items that were not on the list.....ugh

Whether you have a large family or just a pet goldfish, listen to your family, friends and even neighbors when seeking deals or finding ways to cut costs.   There are many other tricks that we have stumbled on along the way and continue to find ways to make it work.

We're moving

We've found an amazing new home with a lot more square footage than the home we are in now.  So we begin the process of moving our lives, that we have routinely led, to start a new beginning.

Yikes!!  I think their must be another group of children who moved in while I wasn't looking and left stuff in our home!!  How did this get here?

I forgot how many items we have retained in our small space but when packing...it felt like I was climbing a steep hill with ice shoes on my feet! I never felt any relaxation and could not see the top.  All I saw were boxes, tape, scissors, markers, and stickers!

I didn't consider how or when to begin packing.  I just thought my fairy godperson would show up and BIPITY BOPITY BOO...IT WOULD BE DONE.   Our last move, we hired movers.  This time, I don't know why we decided not to go that route this time but instead we chose to do this ourselves.

Breathe...ok....I got this. 
Headcount: We are packing for 7 people, and a dog (who also has three boxes of her own with toys and clothes)!
Question of the day: How can I make this work without having a full anxiety attack?

While living in our current home, we had to be creative with our storage. So when we began retrieving these items to pack them to carry to our new home, it was like going on a treasure hunt.  hmmmm.....treasure hunt.... I just figured out how to make it fun in order to persuade our children (ages 8-13) to assist with packing.  Every time they "find" a piece of "gold" (oh...our definition of "gold" is an item they have not worn, used, touched or seen in months because it was BURIED) has to be donated. The prize: they could earn an hour of an activity, once we moved and unpacked.  Each item in their treasure boxes we called gold nuggets.  Whoever has the most "gold" wins.  ((I'm a little sneaky but they are HIGHLY competitive))

Our youngest girl was definitely not falling for it.  She is a hoarder with OCD.  How does that work? Well, she wants to keep EVERYTHING she has and label a container for storage but nothing can be given away.  So this game was created ideally to keep her involved and me a little stress-free. At first, she was very reluctant on putting "her babies up for adoption".  But once she saw how her brothers were quickly filling their "Treasure chest" boxes, she jumped on board and became the best "treasure hunter" in the house.

She also taught me a HUGE lesson of mind over matter.  I struggle a lot with giving away the dresses that "I'm gonna wear that" or "the next big event..I'm definitely wearing that one".  Umm....yeah, I'm a highly functioning introvert who loves to be invited to parties but would rather read a book with my favorite pj's on.  So I had to also task myself with finding gold.  Gifting items that were still boxed up under the stairs.  Saying no to the appliances I don't really want but holding on to them because "so and so" gave it to me.  Nope! It all had to go.

There's a lot of mini-messages we need to learn about ourselves when packing and purging.  We are learning about what we need vs what we hold on to.  Holding on to items can just hold space in our hidden spaces in our heads, hearts, and minds.  Letting go is LIBERATING!

I challenge you to find your "gold" pieces!

Not just for kids anymore

As a child, punishment came after I did something my parents told me not to do and always came with a lecture.  I hated being punished.  Now as a parent, punishment has taken a new angle.  I find myself longing for a moment that someone tells me to "GO TO MY ROOM AND DON'T COME OUT UNTIL YOU GET YOURSELF TOGETHER!"

Running around for and with the family emphasize how quickly the hands move on the clock.  There aren't enough hours in the day!  How can I show up for all the school board meetings, attend all the children's sports events, create amazing vegetarian/vegan meals, read all the books that will push me further in my career and still have time/energy to attend the required work meetings? When I noticed my day, seemed to have fewer hours than those of my friends/sister girls, I wanted to (and I actually think I did) scream!

Turns out, those 24 hours are divided into sections called AD-ULT-ING.  Ugh.....who signed me up for that and how can I decline.  Why did my 24 hours feel like 10 minutes?  I need to re-evaluate my life.  Re-prioritize.  Re-do. RE-something but it needed to be quick and it needed to start yesterday.

I text my husband and told him I was putting myself in time out for the day.  I needed time to "get myself together".  Of course, he laughed at me but he knew that I needed some time alone.  He heard my bad behavior aka road rage, he saw my temper tantrum and tried walking away from me while I wailed around on the floor like an uncensored 2-year-old who wanted candy aka coffee.  I think he needed my time out as much as I did but he appreciated my self-reflection and purpose.  

So here I find myself....by myself....at the closest lake during an amazingly beautiful day.  I went to one of my favorite locations to just think, walk, pray, breathe and re-focus.  An Adult Time Out!!  and it was so much better than I remembered.  Who knew being alone could be appreciated and absorbed like coconut oil on my melanin skin?  Who knew being an adult, and putting yourself in "time out" was a thing and why didn't anyone tell me?  Timeouts were intended to stop the behavior and give time to think. Well......we, as parents/adults need to put ourselves in timeout to do just that. 

While this is not always do-able for a family, especially one as large as mine, it was now required.  I would always hear my mother say, " you can't fill from an empty cup".  As a child and most of my adult life, I had NO CLUE what that meant.  Just chalked it up as something mothers say to their children.  "Generational nuggets".  Well, I finally get it.  My cup was empty.  I had nothing left to give.  As a parent, wife, sister, daughter, friend.......I forgot to think about me.  

My advice to EVERYONE.....find a moment to yourself.  Even if you have to lock YOURSELF in the bathroom and open the window to feel the breeze.  Take 20 seconds to re-evaluate, re-do, or replenish.  And NEVER deny yourself a great cup of coffee...

Finishing strong

Every morning, I see the cute young people jogging while I'm driving to work.  They look so carefree, and in meditational thought.  They look like running would be fun for a person like me with a lot on her plate. (But I can see myself looking more like Rasputia from Norbit then looking like Althea Gibson.) Not only because they have the cute little leggings and tops but because the simple counting of their breath, focus on each step, the distraction of not being distracted TOTALLY intrigues me.

Now, I used to run daily and took time to coordinate my attire.  I used to be one of those young people that enjoyed that sound of their increased heartbeat. I used to be one of the "cool" kids.  and then.....I had "adulting" and "parenting" standing at the end of each run that stopped me from returning to the pavement. So I continue to ride by sipping my caramel latte wishing for one day to trade places with these "runners".

Why shouldn't I be a part of this elite group of people again who sweat for the purpose not just because they were experiencing menopause?  Maybe I should venture out of my comfort zone called "Mom-zone" and hit the pavement.  

SO....I decided on my 40th birthday, at the beginning of February, to start running.  I found the most conservative attire, my son took me to get the latest pair of running shoes, and my cousin introduced me to a FABULOUS group of women who liked to run.  

"Ok....here we go"  it was 6:00am on a very cold February Sunday morning in Baltimore and I was more than nervous, I just wanted to run......TO MY CAR AND LOCK THE DOORS!  I had to remember I was 40 and fabulous and did not want to be 40 and fat!   

Deep breaths.... I focused on the youngest girl in the group who looked like she could outrun a bear and started stretching these old tired, "caramel latte every morning" body. I managed enough courage to remember my training from many high school years ago (for those that don't know...thats like 20 dog years!!)  Oh yeah.... I tried running on my first run down this beautiful, flowing hill before the pack of ladies turned into one lonely dust bunny (me) left way back.  They continued on with their run BUT after they made their "time", each one of the runners came back to encourage me to complete what I started. They not only encouraged me but ran with me to help me create a pace that I could manage.

By the end of that walk, jog, stop breathe, walk I gained a new respect for myself and those elite run groups!  I had a new appreciation for the packs of runners I would see in the mornings.  They had a "code"!!

They understood how the latte was so addictive and called out to me as the pavement called to them EVERY morning.  At the finish spot, we all celebrated each ladies' goal and successes, regardless of how small.  They even mentioned how the latte called to them in the mornings BUT on those days they ran further....longer to make up for whatever junk they consumed that day.

Listen, I am by no means an accomplished runner and I am still a bit jealous of the "pack", however, I learned the rules and will one day lead the group.  I'm just kidding!  It sounded good though, didn't it?  I am currently not ready to be a leader of the sprint/run team.  What I am is determined to complete what I started, and to accept the possibility that I can be a good runner (with a cute outfit and shoes). 

Why run when you can fly.....

Have you ever felt like you just wanted to scream because everything around you is running at Superman speed and you're not even in the race??   Lately, not only has everyone and everything seem to be running at an unusually fast pace, but I, for the first time, just watched.  Watching from the sidelines, cheering on the most amazing people.   This is what they mean by "adulting"? I don't think I saw a sign-up sheet for this event "adulting"!!

I realized that I was no longer sitting with the crowd cheering, I was now alone in the stands.

Now, I know many people will say "Well, you have to brush yourself off and get back in the race."  And while that was true, it was also furthest from what I needed.

I needed to take care of ME!  I had to become my biggest, loudest, most obnoxious cheerleader. Standing alone, in the stands, allowed me to view the hurdles that were quickly being placed in my lane, but I could also see the finish line for each goal.  By standing alone in my cheering section, I could also get closer or step back when I needed to get a clearer view.  I did not need to "...brush yourself off and get back in the race."  I needed to rest, study, and prepare for the obstacles that others could not clear.  I needed to warn others of what could be ahead and take note of how they used what they knew to keep going.

 I had everything I needed to achieve this goal but I didn't understand I WAS NOT CREATED TO RUN. I needed to fly!!! I had a group of angels that could help me but I thought they would just push, or pull me when I felt like giving up.  What I didn't know was they had been placed in my life to encourage me to spread my wings.  They saw my wings before I knew I had any.  They felt the breeze because they were flyers.

Whenever I feel like screaming or I get frustrated I have to remember, that races are for runners and they need lanes. I am a flyer.....and need to soar.

Where, Oh where, have I been......

Hey everyone!

Sorry that I have been missing in action for these past two months...but as a Rush Hour Momma....life never stops.  So, let's get caught up:  One work trip out of town for a week, a trip to the beach, several pool dates/parties,  and even a museum!  All of this happened during the latter weeks in June through the end of July.  SIX solid weeks of summer craziness!

Wildwood Beach, New Jersey:

The family trip included sand, sun, Henna tattoos, and so much more.  We picked a perfect day to go on this three hour adventure with a minivan full of excited little people.  We wandered up and down the shoreline capturing photos and taking in all the giggles.  The kids collected seashell, swam in the cold water, took turns making their sand kingdoms, and just sat still long enough to listen to the waves.  

They had a chance to disconnect from all things electronic and really use the day to play and bond with each other.  And guess what....NO FIGHTS, ARGUMENTS, WHINING,

DISAGREEMENTS.....seriously. Are you as surprised as me?  I mean we had a group of  six young people with very strong personalities (7 yr old to 23 yr old) and not one "I'm telling Mom" or "Stop it" moments! I was quite shocked too as I watch them compromise on EVERY decision.  (pats self on back....they were listening)

Makai, Dierra, Destinee Trinity,
Elijah, and Isaiah

I don't come from a large family but I always stress to my children the importance of family and sibling relationships.  I tell them with hopes they understand that no matter what, they are bound together by more than just their last names, or how they look....the are bound in blood!  And while I can reflect to tell them how important sibling relationships are and should be cherished, I think they showed it on this trip.  Woohoo!!

My return flight in the middle of
a terrible storm in Maryland

Cleveland, Ohio:

I had a work trip to Cleveland that took me out of my comfort zone and I flew on a plane (solo...no girl friends, spouse, co-workers) for the first time EVER!

9th and Euclid Streets,
Cleveland, Ohio

Playhouse Square

The flight was great!  I had a window seat and really nice view.   This being my first time ever on a plane, I did not know what to expect.  Gratefully, I had great pilot and row mates that helped me navigate and pray.  Yes, on my take off, the lady who sat beside me, never said a word directly to me but bowed her head, closed her eyes and clasped her hands.  We held that moment and breathed deeply, and sat in silence. She and I never spoke a word but her energy was calming and exactly what I needed. I had an opportunity to take in some of the beautiful scenery and amazing food during this trip.

I cannot tell you how much I learned a lot about myself and my support system back home in this week away. MY HUSBAND is amazing.  He stepped up and into the role of RHM (Rush Hour Momma) without batting an eye!  Cooked meals, made sure the children bathed (don't laugh....they would rather skip the soap and jump right out the water!) and even enforced the chore chart.  Cha-ching!!  When he picked me up with all the children in the truck, I knew then how much he really appreciated me.  

I captured this photo 7am one morning while walking to my meeting. 

Washington, D.C.

National Museum of African American History and Culture

I had the opportunity to visit the National Museum of African American History and Culture in Washington, DC.  Now, I saved this one to talk about last for several reasons.  My emotions this day was all over the place. I was so excited to finally see how the WORLD would see our history.  I was nervous to see what I did not know about our history. And.....I was not emotionally prepared for the day.  I spent the day listening to the voices of not just the displays but also the small, isolated conversations from my elders as they remembered the days that were recorded, as some young people laughed nervously at the pain of our past, as others continued to honor and recognize not just the conversations of slaves to their children, but how the story had been passed down by generations to say the names of the slaves that had made the journey to the many ports across the globe.  This journey, for me, was a moment that I will never forget.  I come from a long line of strong men and women.  We have faced the worse possible outcome, and became President of the United States.  We fought for our freedom and paid for it with our lives, but never giving up that WE have come so far and still so far to go.

This summer has been quite interesting and educational my family. I hope you enjoyed my little summer blurb and will post again soon.  

Windy day but all smiles! Me and the Mr.

⏰⏰⏰Alarms for my alarms ⏰⏰⏰

When you are a working mom with a large family, you have to set alarms, reminders, passwords, and even motivational photos in plain site to get through the day.

I have a alarm for my morning alarm to remind me to take a minute to pray and breathe BEFORE my day starts.  Acknowledging what can get done and what is out of my control will be the biggest part of my day.

My work day usually starts something like this:

• 5:15am Wake up, meditate, pray
• 5:45am Make sure your feet are on the floor
• 5:50am Make sure hubby is woke
• 6:00am take quick shower 
• 6:10am take out breakfast food and make sure husband has everything for work
• 6:15am wake girls/take out uniforms (just started doing this at night...yeah...at the end of the school year but hey...I will know what to do in the fall to make this faster)
• 6:20am wake boys/take out uniforms
• 6:21am wake Elijah and Makai AGAIN

• 6:23am pull Elijah  and Makai out of the bed
• 6:25am remind the boys to get up
• 6:30am make breakfast
• 6:45am help little ones with brushing teeth and dressing (Matching shoes, hair combed, brushed)
• 7:00am GET YOURSELF DRESSED!!  
• 7:15am walk the dog
• 7:20am wash the dishes
• 7:30am check lunch boxes and any last minute homework
• 7:45am get all book bags, lunch bags and children in the car (COUNT THE KIDS TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE ALL IN THE CAR!!! of course there is a story for this one but I'll have to share later....smh)
• 8:00am kids at the school drive through drop off spot (Great idea by the way) Reminder....make sure all children and their items have left the vehicle BEFORE leaving the parking lot 

Do you👀 the doll in the car seat? 
 It was talking in spanish all the way to work!

The little girl left something in my car →

• 8:15am drive through at Dunkin (don't judge me...this is my only time alone and I SAVOR it with a large caramel latte

Check Waze app for downtown traffic and PRAY!

• 9:00am-5:00pm work (yes, i work full time in an office located 20-30 minutes away DEPENDING on traffic)
• 5:30pm Pick up the teenager from school. 

Now, right about ↑ here is where it gets tricky because the Teenager plays basketball/volleyball, so she may have practice or team meeting or SOMETHING that lasts until 9pm.  Yes...9:00pm!!  Who decided practice/rehearsal/volunteer sports should run that late on a school night...I need to speak with them directly.  smh.. On those days, the remainder of my night is strategic and exhausting!!  On other days, with the youngest four children, there's always homework and projects that ONLY mommy can help with (Notice the eye rolling).  

But let's be clear on several things.  My children are assigned chores (for  great ideas on chore charts, click this link: Chore chart ideas) during the weekend because at that point....I AM BURNT OUT.  Also, if you noticed I did not list evening activities that include dinner prep or cooking dinner because my beautiful, "sent from the heavens", "used to be a chef" and now is my "bff" HUSBAND fills in that part.  I prep the food prior to freezing, or storing away but he is the Mon-Fri cook (YEAH ME!!) and the kids help with meal planning for the week.

So the remainder of the evenings look like this:

• 8:00pm bath time for all the boys (which logically means both showers will be occupied at the same time to reduce the time...RIGHT?? smh...it is never the case but my intentions are purposeful)
• 8:45pm** bath time for the youngest girl....and ALL of her dolls (ugh)
• 9:30pm** doing the youngest hair while she is occupied with her tablet (watching other little girls playing with dolls is the new "thing"!  Weird to me but it keeps her still so....hey....whatever works right)
• 10:00pm put in a load of laundry EVERY night
• 10:15pm wash dishes and tidy the house (if hubby has not done so by time I get home...again....I got a winner with that one!! Cooks, cleans and helps with homework....!!!)
• Quick shower before bed and then.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**Notice the amount of time they have to bathe in comparison to me.**

For the most part, on most days, this is our schedule.  And while I may not look like I have a chance to breathe or pee (in peace), I normally don't but when you have a large family, anytime you get alone....is a BLESSING!  

Making the choice to make the day great is posted and planted in my head before my eyes open.  Yes, there are many days that something stops us from being great, but we still manage to end the day with all the minis accounted for, minimum trips to the emergency room and everyone has on clean underwear!  

It takes a Village

Many times we hear that it takes a village to raise a child. The definition of this "village" has never been clearly defined.  When I said that quote to my youngest daughter and asked her what did she think that meant she mentioned African Tribes.  She insisted that "village" meant everyone that lives near you.  "Like a village"....she kept repeating as if I was the village idiot.  👀  And while I do support that theory, we should realize that most families have multiple children and so how we connect to our village is important. We should make sure we don't over look the new family in the neighborhood, school, church, or even at the local libraries.

How do you connect to other families, parents, teachers, neighbors and others to build a strong village?  Do you see the significance in the unification of your village?  Have you seen how siloed we've become over the years due to panic, lack of empathy, and social media?  How has the influence of the internet disconnected your village?

A village should be diverse and is strong when we are including all people not just who we are most familiar. Think about your village of friends, what does that look like? What made you choose to include them in your village?  Are they similar to you or are they different?

Let's break down what my village looks like and maybe reflect on how to expand our village to not only make it strong but to make sure no "position" has been overlooked.

• Village Elders- older neighbors, and trusted elderly family members
• Village Advisors-Aunts, Uncles and grandparents
• Village Chiefs-Parents
• Youth Groups-all young people under the age of 18 who do not have children
• Villagers-everyone

Now, take a moment to think about what position you have filled, and what position(s) still need to be filled.  We put in place roles/responsibilities to assist us with raising our child(ren) to be respectful, honoring themselves, and believing in themselves.  We should think about age, gender and racial diversity when we focus on providing the best opportunity to not just our children but to others who are not in our immediate families.  Many families may be new to your community that do not know who to reach out to for assistance, advice or even play dates.

So, when you start thinking of the positions in your village that need to be filled, take your time.  Realize positions can be shifted and are not meant to be permanent. However, we have a universal need to connect and stay connected as well as the need to build our village stronger.  I hope you can create or be a part of an amazing village and recognize you are not alone on this path.

Don't allow yourself to be the village idiot!  Make a connection and build your village!!!

A Mother's Love

Many times through my parenting, I questioned this large title of "Mom".  Whoever should wear this name has to be perfect!!  I mean how could they not be....they are raising our future.  Whoever has this name must be fully knowledgeable of all things.  How can a person expect to hold this name....wear this cape....carry that shield of protection without having earned every degree in martial arts, read every book by the historical psychologists, practiced every language (infant, tween and
teen), studied every magic trick and was still able to leap a tall building in a single bound.  ((snickering)) But come on....who would volunteer for this???  And then to add the word "Step" to that already large name!!!  Geeze Loise...the "Super Step" would have to be EVEN more well read, well versed and even MORE dynamic than the name actually meant.

I have seen and heard many horror stories on blended and large families.  How you don't notice the dysfunction until your ready to scream and run for the hills!  I've seen on many talk shows about how blended families struggle but then to add BLENDED and LARGE???  Who ever chose those two descriptions in that GREAT BIG BOOK OF LIFE must need their heads examined.  But I have also witnessed many successful co-parenting situations that allowed me to see the strength in love and forgiveness.

I am often introduced as "this is Angel.  And do you know she has eleven kids?!?!" as if that was the name listed on my birth certificate. Can you imagine how large my Id would have to be... "Angel Did-You-Know-She-Has Eleven-Kids Jackson"  Really!???!?!  I guess that is what I should write on the name tags I get when meeting new people.


When I had my first set of children, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what I was doing.  And the idea of being perfect....went flying out the door the day I brought my nine pound screaming child home.  But they lived, they grew up, hug me and say I love you pass the moon, stars and other galaxies.

That title "mom" was etched in stone from the moment I was given the blood test to confirm my pregnancy.  However, the name "mom" still did not sit well with me when my oldest was the only child.  I guess that is why I decided....he should have someone to tell his secrets to, and for that person to recognize and laugh at the irony of it all.

But "mom" was a mighty word.  How could I live up to be that kind of super-shero?  Who has time to read all those books that were in the parenting section of every library/bookstore/coffee house?  Who
said that I would be able to wear that title and pronounce it with all the strength my ancestors gave me?  Who knew how connected all things "child" would be in the actual pronunciation of the name "Mom"?

I mean....I know many women who were excited about being a mom and others who were thrilled of the thought of additional children they did not have to labor.  ((that actually is rather ingenious now that I think about it...no stretch mark, labor pains or any other thing people connect negatively to pregnancy))  To take on the responsibility of loving, guiding, caring, nurturing another's child(ren) as if they were your own.....now that is a whole new kind of smart, yet crazy, that I fully dived into without knowing how to swim until I realized I was drowning.

Being a mom meant many sleepless nights, many trips to the doctors, back and forth to the market (UGH.....how my grocery bill soared!!)  and the occasional trip to the mall for shoes. It also meant that I was taking the charge to raise my children to be the best version of me!  As if that is EVEN possible, I continued leading the way with my four little people in tow.  They learned with me, disciplined me, chastised me, and gave me all the time outs I could imagine.  But when I met my husband.  And then his children...I knew!  I was stuck on stupid and a GLUTTON for punishment!  Who did I think I was?  Blending a family of children who were almost the same age and choosing to not only stick around but to love them as if they were my own.

God gives us many challenges in life.  Some I think, He sits back and elbows the other saints that are with him like...."humph...watch this.  She has no clue why her parents named her Angel."  I think he find humor in my acts of "super-shero-isms".  (and yes that is a word....I made it up but it's still a word)  Being a mom and step-mom to a large group of children has taught me many things:

There will be many sleepless nights....BECAUSE THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO HAVE A GREAT SLEEPOVER IF YOU FALL ASLEEP!  and that's ok.
There will be many trips to the doctor....BECAUSE LIFE HAPPENS and that's ok.
There will be ENDLESS amounts of trips to the grocery store...BECAUSE EVEN SOUS CHEFS BURN WATER and that's ok.
There will be a relentless amount of shoe shopping.....HOW ELSE CAN YOU ESCAPE YOUR MEAN STINKY BROTHERS IF YOU DON'T LEARN HOW TO SHOP and that's ok.

Listen....there are many fears I have encountered when I took that cape and upgraded it from Mom to StepMom.  But there are so many joys that outweigh the fears!  How else could you explain the craziness, the loud talking, the "we eat together always", the "we share the same blood",  the "we shed the same tears", the "we laugh at the same body winds" (as my granny says...lol) or how we love on one another constantly!

A mother's love is large, evolving, scary, strong, IMPORTANT, necessary, heroic, tiresome, and most of all...a mother's love JUST IS!

The Children that would eat no meat

When choosing meals for a family of my size it would be ideal to plan meals as if everyone to eat the same food and ENJOY IT!  hahahahahaha....well my friend, this is not only a laugh but a cruel joke.  I have very picky eaters, a sometime vegan/vegetarian, a moody eater and an athlete.  Then I have the rest of the family. (shaking my head)

 My youngest mini told me she wanted to be a superhero aka "Melanin Shero" but her kryptonite is this tricky weather and shortness of breath.  Her diagnosis of asthma did not lessen her desire to be heroic but strengthen her search for Superhero food.  :)

And then there were my other minis, who also decided they no longer wanted to hurt any animal or for a momma chicken to miss her baby chick.  Which made me want to scream to the heavens when trying to find a lunch my children could take to school daily for lunch.  They would not eat lunch meat sandwiches or the regular PBJ.  Let me be clear....I AM A SOUTHERN COOK WHO USES MEAT TO SEASON VEGGIES AND SEASON OTHER MEATS!  How can I put together a meal for children who not only are disgusted by the site of raw meat and blood but also by the thought of hurting anything that had a heart beat?  Whose children are these!!!!???

And while I have several vegetarian friends, as adults, I did not know of any children who chose to not eat meat. I mean...come on... didn't the bible say God created animals for us to eat or was that something my southern grandma made up?  Wasn't bacon a part of the food pyramid?  I mean....after all...we are talking about BACON.

Either way....what was I expected to do when I knew ABSOLUTELY nothing about how to make sure my children ate a healthy balanced diet did not include our usual protein intake.  What was a mother to do?

I had to seek out other parents for "moral" support.  They all seemed to be amazed and even amused at my story of the "Children that would eat no meat".

However, there is a happy ending to this story. Apparently there are other children who are characters in the story (who knew). And while handing my children over to the first vegetarian family I met IS HIGHLY FROWNED UPON....I eventually found meals that would be easy not only on my schedule but on my wallet.  I found items that I never would have incorporated in my menu/meal planning.  Items like avocados, lentils and other legumes I never tasted yet alone knew how to make. I am so grateful for YouTube and apps like Pinterest.   We sat down with the children to see what they would be interested in and created a Pinterest board specifically with items they selected.  (Be Still my Vegetarian Heart)

As a working mom, there are many battles we face daily in our comings and goings throughout the day.  We do the laundry, assist with homework, serve as Uber drivers and alarm clocks.  We have to pick our battles carefully.  And while I am a southern cook, the battle for meals was a small loss in the larger scheme of things.  I lowered my stress level because I no longer had children crying at the dinner table, or wasted food from their lunch boxes.

Listen, there are no magic wands to make them love the same food at the same time but there are ways to make your life less stressful. Find what works for you...AND them.  Include them in the process.  Allow their voices to be heard.  You may be surprised to learn...Our minis are all a big part of the same story.

Raising Kings

I was a young single mother who had the pleasure of raising three handsome boys and a beautiful daughter.  Once married, not only did I gain two additional bonus sons but my husband and I created three sons from our union.  Yes, you have that correct.  We have EIGHT sons (K.I.T=Kings in Training) 👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑

  Realizing there were no easy roads, or handouts from anyone, We began focusing on their future.  I understood how powerful we had to be to raise these young boys to be productive young men.  We had to make sure the men that were involved in their lives, would have a productive impact.  Their father, uncles, male cousins had no real concept of "it takes a village" meant.  Reaching out to teachers, ministers, and other males to assist in teaching lessons, showing them how to stand up straight (something about the shoulder alignment made me smile), how to wear a tie, how to read and comprehend, and how to be men.

 We had to teach our sons how the world would view them because they are boys of color.  Yes, my daughters are girls of color (black girl magic runs through her veins) but for our men, the focus was different.  We had to teach them how to be strong in the face of adversity, be quiet in the face of opposition and be mindful of the company they chose to call friends.

Being a young man of color is far more difficult than I could EVER image. How can you expect your male child to have positive outlook if there aren't any positive images.  The ones they see are men who have stopped growing.  You know the ones that are emasculated, over-stressed, seemingly angry males.  You know the ones that have been in and out of jail for doing things (unlawful things) to provide for his family.  The males who are under-educated and super proud so they do not know how to ask for help.  We made a firm decision we would do better and expect more.

When our sons chose us to be their parents,  we chose to not only raise them with every power and inner strength handed down from generations but we also vowed our sons would NEVER be a statistic. We vowed that our sons would break any bar that had been placed below their feet to raise it above ALL.  We vowed that no matter what, we would NEVER give up on our children or allow anyone to expect any less.  We vowed that we would be the parent that would speak to teachers when my child excelled or struggled.  We vowed that our sons would NEVER know the pain of being told "no; your not qualified; you should quit; or you are being placed under arrest".

My husband and I put in place a check and balance to make sure our children knew how to "be seen in public". Be respectful to your neighbors....honor your elders....be the example of EVERYTHING you don't read in the newspapers or see on TV.

So why do I say my children are royalty when society has claimed they will wear metal bracelets vs a beautiful crown. History of constantly being told that people of color are lower than/less than.... has been the cause of many K.I.T. to no only not understand their full potential but do not understand how to place pride, intelligence, and self worth into the heart and souls of their future children.  Our families continue to struggle with the mental crown they have to adjust when it tilts.  The crown that tilts whenever a teacher tells them they will never be, when the neighbor ignores rather than reach out, when the community walks by without acknowledging the existence or acknowledging the greatness that has been sacrificed by the KINGS and QUEENS before us.

So again you may ask why do I consider my children royalty?  Why am I so sure people of color are royalty?  Am I saying that our non-melanin counterparts are not, or cannot be royalty.  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  All of our children are born with the gift of the crown.  What we teach them about self love, spiritual growth, and the spirit of curiosity is how they learn to wear the crown.  I encourage my children to live, swim, breathe in the acknowledgement of our ancestors, the power of their future and the limitless expectations they have available.

These gifts make each one of our children different but so yet so similar.  Let me be clear....the melanin that has been placed in their skin is the crown you see but what you don't see are their inner strengths, struggles, accomplishments and triumphs.  What you don't see, in comparison to their non-melanin counterparts, is the privilege seen and given at birth.  What you don't see, in the lives of our K.I.T., are the constant reminders of low expectations at birth.

The type of crown my boys wear cannot be taken from them by any other person regardless of their lineage or namesake.  My kings use their crowns to stand tall, and be the example of what other boys/men should emulate when searching for their crown. They have the  ability to spot another King and acknowledge royalty is not competition but necessary representation of life.


We are raising a generation of ROYALTY.  Let's all be held accountable for the level of each of their crowns.