A Mother's Love

Many times through my parenting, I questioned this large title of "Mom".  Whoever should wear this name has to be perfect!!  I mean how could they not be....they are raising our future.  Whoever has this name must be fully knowledgeable of all things.  How can a person expect to hold this name....wear this cape....carry that shield of protection without having earned every degree in martial arts, read every book by the historical psychologists, practiced every language (infant, tween and
teen), studied every magic trick and was still able to leap a tall building in a single bound.  ((snickering)) But come on....who would volunteer for this???  And then to add the word "Step" to that already large name!!!  Geeze Loise...the "Super Step" would have to be EVEN more well read, well versed and even MORE dynamic than the name actually meant.

I have seen and heard many horror stories on blended and large families.  How you don't notice the dysfunction until your ready to scream and run for the hills!  I've seen on many talk shows about how blended families struggle but then to add BLENDED and LARGE???  Who ever chose those two descriptions in that GREAT BIG BOOK OF LIFE must need their heads examined.  But I have also witnessed many successful co-parenting situations that allowed me to see the strength in love and forgiveness.

I am often introduced as "this is Angel.  And do you know she has eleven kids?!?!" as if that was the name listed on my birth certificate. Can you imagine how large my Id would have to be... "Angel Did-You-Know-She-Has Eleven-Kids Jackson"  Really!???!?!  I guess that is what I should write on the name tags I get when meeting new people.


When I had my first set of children, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what I was doing.  And the idea of being perfect....went flying out the door the day I brought my nine pound screaming child home.  But they lived, they grew up, hug me and say I love you pass the moon, stars and other galaxies.

That title "mom" was etched in stone from the moment I was given the blood test to confirm my pregnancy.  However, the name "mom" still did not sit well with me when my oldest was the only child.  I guess that is why I decided....he should have someone to tell his secrets to, and for that person to recognize and laugh at the irony of it all.

But "mom" was a mighty word.  How could I live up to be that kind of super-shero?  Who has time to read all those books that were in the parenting section of every library/bookstore/coffee house?  Who
said that I would be able to wear that title and pronounce it with all the strength my ancestors gave me?  Who knew how connected all things "child" would be in the actual pronunciation of the name "Mom"?

I mean....I know many women who were excited about being a mom and others who were thrilled of the thought of additional children they did not have to labor.  ((that actually is rather ingenious now that I think about it...no stretch mark, labor pains or any other thing people connect negatively to pregnancy))  To take on the responsibility of loving, guiding, caring, nurturing another's child(ren) as if they were your own.....now that is a whole new kind of smart, yet crazy, that I fully dived into without knowing how to swim until I realized I was drowning.

Being a mom meant many sleepless nights, many trips to the doctors, back and forth to the market (UGH.....how my grocery bill soared!!)  and the occasional trip to the mall for shoes. It also meant that I was taking the charge to raise my children to be the best version of me!  As if that is EVEN possible, I continued leading the way with my four little people in tow.  They learned with me, disciplined me, chastised me, and gave me all the time outs I could imagine.  But when I met my husband.  And then his children...I knew!  I was stuck on stupid and a GLUTTON for punishment!  Who did I think I was?  Blending a family of children who were almost the same age and choosing to not only stick around but to love them as if they were my own.

God gives us many challenges in life.  Some I think, He sits back and elbows the other saints that are with him like...."humph...watch this.  She has no clue why her parents named her Angel."  I think he find humor in my acts of "super-shero-isms".  (and yes that is a word....I made it up but it's still a word)  Being a mom and step-mom to a large group of children has taught me many things:

There will be many sleepless nights....BECAUSE THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO HAVE A GREAT SLEEPOVER IF YOU FALL ASLEEP!  and that's ok.
There will be many trips to the doctor....BECAUSE LIFE HAPPENS and that's ok.
There will be ENDLESS amounts of trips to the grocery store...BECAUSE EVEN SOUS CHEFS BURN WATER and that's ok.
There will be a relentless amount of shoe shopping.....HOW ELSE CAN YOU ESCAPE YOUR MEAN STINKY BROTHERS IF YOU DON'T LEARN HOW TO SHOP and that's ok.

Listen....there are many fears I have encountered when I took that cape and upgraded it from Mom to StepMom.  But there are so many joys that outweigh the fears!  How else could you explain the craziness, the loud talking, the "we eat together always", the "we share the same blood",  the "we shed the same tears", the "we laugh at the same body winds" (as my granny says...lol) or how we love on one another constantly!

A mother's love is large, evolving, scary, strong, IMPORTANT, necessary, heroic, tiresome, and most of all...a mother's love JUST IS!

The Children that would eat no meat

When choosing meals for a family of my size it would be ideal to plan meals as if everyone to eat the same food and ENJOY IT!  hahahahahaha....well my friend, this is not only a laugh but a cruel joke.  I have very picky eaters, a sometime vegan/vegetarian, a moody eater and an athlete.  Then I have the rest of the family. (shaking my head)

 My youngest mini told me she wanted to be a superhero aka "Melanin Shero" but her kryptonite is this tricky weather and shortness of breath.  Her diagnosis of asthma did not lessen her desire to be heroic but strengthen her search for Superhero food.  :)

And then there were my other minis, who also decided they no longer wanted to hurt any animal or for a momma chicken to miss her baby chick.  Which made me want to scream to the heavens when trying to find a lunch my children could take to school daily for lunch.  They would not eat lunch meat sandwiches or the regular PBJ.  Let me be clear....I AM A SOUTHERN COOK WHO USES MEAT TO SEASON VEGGIES AND SEASON OTHER MEATS!  How can I put together a meal for children who not only are disgusted by the site of raw meat and blood but also by the thought of hurting anything that had a heart beat?  Whose children are these!!!!???

And while I have several vegetarian friends, as adults, I did not know of any children who chose to not eat meat. I mean...come on... didn't the bible say God created animals for us to eat or was that something my southern grandma made up?  Wasn't bacon a part of the food pyramid?  I mean....after all...we are talking about BACON.

Either way....what was I expected to do when I knew ABSOLUTELY nothing about how to make sure my children ate a healthy balanced diet did not include our usual protein intake.  What was a mother to do?

I had to seek out other parents for "moral" support.  They all seemed to be amazed and even amused at my story of the "Children that would eat no meat".

However, there is a happy ending to this story. Apparently there are other children who are characters in the story (who knew). And while handing my children over to the first vegetarian family I met IS HIGHLY FROWNED UPON....I eventually found meals that would be easy not only on my schedule but on my wallet.  I found items that I never would have incorporated in my menu/meal planning.  Items like avocados, lentils and other legumes I never tasted yet alone knew how to make. I am so grateful for YouTube and apps like Pinterest.   We sat down with the children to see what they would be interested in and created a Pinterest board specifically with items they selected.  (Be Still my Vegetarian Heart)

As a working mom, there are many battles we face daily in our comings and goings throughout the day.  We do the laundry, assist with homework, serve as Uber drivers and alarm clocks.  We have to pick our battles carefully.  And while I am a southern cook, the battle for meals was a small loss in the larger scheme of things.  I lowered my stress level because I no longer had children crying at the dinner table, or wasted food from their lunch boxes.

Listen, there are no magic wands to make them love the same food at the same time but there are ways to make your life less stressful. Find what works for you...AND them.  Include them in the process.  Allow their voices to be heard.  You may be surprised to learn...Our minis are all a big part of the same story.

Raising Kings

I was a young single mother who had the pleasure of raising three handsome boys and a beautiful daughter.  Once married, not only did I gain two additional bonus sons but my husband and I created three sons from our union.  Yes, you have that correct.  We have EIGHT sons (K.I.T=Kings in Training) 👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑

  Realizing there were no easy roads, or handouts from anyone, We began focusing on their future.  I understood how powerful we had to be to raise these young boys to be productive young men.  We had to make sure the men that were involved in their lives, would have a productive impact.  Their father, uncles, male cousins had no real concept of "it takes a village" meant.  Reaching out to teachers, ministers, and other males to assist in teaching lessons, showing them how to stand up straight (something about the shoulder alignment made me smile), how to wear a tie, how to read and comprehend, and how to be men.

 We had to teach our sons how the world would view them because they are boys of color.  Yes, my daughters are girls of color (black girl magic runs through her veins) but for our men, the focus was different.  We had to teach them how to be strong in the face of adversity, be quiet in the face of opposition and be mindful of the company they chose to call friends.

Being a young man of color is far more difficult than I could EVER image. How can you expect your male child to have positive outlook if there aren't any positive images.  The ones they see are men who have stopped growing.  You know the ones that are emasculated, over-stressed, seemingly angry males.  You know the ones that have been in and out of jail for doing things (unlawful things) to provide for his family.  The males who are under-educated and super proud so they do not know how to ask for help.  We made a firm decision we would do better and expect more.

When our sons chose us to be their parents,  we chose to not only raise them with every power and inner strength handed down from generations but we also vowed our sons would NEVER be a statistic. We vowed that our sons would break any bar that had been placed below their feet to raise it above ALL.  We vowed that no matter what, we would NEVER give up on our children or allow anyone to expect any less.  We vowed that we would be the parent that would speak to teachers when my child excelled or struggled.  We vowed that our sons would NEVER know the pain of being told "no; your not qualified; you should quit; or you are being placed under arrest".

My husband and I put in place a check and balance to make sure our children knew how to "be seen in public". Be respectful to your neighbors....honor your elders....be the example of EVERYTHING you don't read in the newspapers or see on TV.

So why do I say my children are royalty when society has claimed they will wear metal bracelets vs a beautiful crown. History of constantly being told that people of color are lower than/less than.... has been the cause of many K.I.T. to no only not understand their full potential but do not understand how to place pride, intelligence, and self worth into the heart and souls of their future children.  Our families continue to struggle with the mental crown they have to adjust when it tilts.  The crown that tilts whenever a teacher tells them they will never be, when the neighbor ignores rather than reach out, when the community walks by without acknowledging the existence or acknowledging the greatness that has been sacrificed by the KINGS and QUEENS before us.

So again you may ask why do I consider my children royalty?  Why am I so sure people of color are royalty?  Am I saying that our non-melanin counterparts are not, or cannot be royalty.  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  All of our children are born with the gift of the crown.  What we teach them about self love, spiritual growth, and the spirit of curiosity is how they learn to wear the crown.  I encourage my children to live, swim, breathe in the acknowledgement of our ancestors, the power of their future and the limitless expectations they have available.

These gifts make each one of our children different but so yet so similar.  Let me be clear....the melanin that has been placed in their skin is the crown you see but what you don't see are their inner strengths, struggles, accomplishments and triumphs.  What you don't see, in comparison to their non-melanin counterparts, is the privilege seen and given at birth.  What you don't see, in the lives of our K.I.T., are the constant reminders of low expectations at birth.

The type of crown my boys wear cannot be taken from them by any other person regardless of their lineage or namesake.  My kings use their crowns to stand tall, and be the example of what other boys/men should emulate when searching for their crown. They have the  ability to spot another King and acknowledge royalty is not competition but necessary representation of life.


We are raising a generation of ROYALTY.  Let's all be held accountable for the level of each of their crowns.